An Unexpected Turn of Events

I expected to be posting a bit about how I arrived at this point in my life somehow managing to neither be married or a mother.  Certainly NOT how I envisioned my life when I was in high school doing the "where do you see yourself in 5 years, 10 years, 20 years" assignment.  But, I will come back to this another time.

This week  finds me considering adopting from another country other than China and truthfully I'm excited at having an alternative to consider.  I don't have anything against China by any means.  I have traveled there many times and I have a great love for the people, the culture and of course, the food!  However, it feels pretty restrictive to not have options and being told by the social worker of an adoption agency "China is pretty much your only option" pointed me on a pretty narrow path.  Since that conversation last November I have been dealing with/processing China's expectations for adoptive families:  what seems to ME a pretty high expectation of net worth, their weight guidelines that find me about 20 pounds on the "too bad, you can't adopt" side, and now I'm reading about possible traffic violations guidelines that say you can't have more than 5 violations in 25 years of driving history!  Maybe I'm the only one who gets speeding tickets with an unfortunate regularity but it's possible that I have more than 5 speeding tickets (I know I have at least 4 but I can't remember how many I might have gotten in my 20's!).  I suppose there are ways of dealing with all of these issues...the one that is most clearly in my own hands right now, my weight, is something I'm  working on.  Maybe more on that another time.  But it is pretty discouraging to feel like there are so many hoops to jump through to be considered a worthy parent. 

I have been hoping that maybe Vietnam and/or Cambodia will reopen to U.S. adoptions in the near future.  I have a strong desire to adopt from an Asian country, the reasons why will make yet another future blog post.  I also know that I can't wait forever to adopt, so I'm doing my best to not be the one restricting my own options so I am willing to pray and consider any adoption option that comes my way.  This week I was notified by a different adoption agency that Kyrgyzstan (a small central Asian country) has just reopened to adoptions in the U.S. and this agency is the only agency that is representing Kyrgyzstan.  They expect singles to be able to adopt from Kyrgyzstan and they are working on finding out all of the guidelines before posting them but they do consider this adoption program open.  I have to say, the feeling of having another option to consider is really awesome!  The people of Kyrgyzstan are really beautiful and diverse.  I have never been there but I have been to several of the surrounding countries.  I am a little afraid to be hopeful, as I realize there could be very similar (or even worse?) guidelines applied to adoptions from Kyrgyzstan but for some reason I have a renewed sense of anticipation and excitement.  It feels a little odd to say that, because it wasn't that I was unhappy about the prospect of adopting from China.  Maybe it's a feeling of "could this possibly be a better fit for me?  Could this be where my daughter will be from?"  I guess it will be an interesting few weeks as more information comes in about this option.  I'm excited to see what happens!

So, I've started a blog!

It feels rather surreal but after about 1.5 years of lurking on multiple blogs about adoption, single motherhood, etc. I have actually decided to start my own blog!  I give credit to Paige, one of the afore mentioned bloggers, who encouraged me to give blogging a shot.  I don't have any illusions that anyone else will be interested in this blog, but hopefully it will be a place where I can process my thoughts, fears, challenges and joys and also serve as a type of journal that I can look back on in the future.

 

The whole adoption process is overwhelming, which is why I've been internally processing things for several YEARS before I am now about ready to "jump" and start actively pursuing adoption.  Reading single women's blogs has really helped me, because part of me still wonders if I can do this all on my own.  I'm scared, to be honest!  But, I know I'm not getting any younger so I'm going to go for it!

 

I am planning to do an international adoption, for several reasons.  With domestic adoption, the birth mother is in "control" and of course gets to pick the parents she wants her child to have.  I assume that a single person like me would not necessary be at the top of the list for a birth mother.  I totally understand that in ideal circumstances a baby would have a mother and a father so I don't begrudge them that.  However, I also don't want to potentially wait years to be picked. 

 

Also with domestic adoption, open adoption seems to be the current trend and I feel somewhat uncomfortable with that prospect.  Both of my nephews are adopted and I see regularly the pros and cons of open adoptions.  I like the annonymity of international adoption, but I know for my child that will have some potentially serious down-sides as well.

 

I have basically ruled out foster to adopt, but I know it is a very realistic option for single women.  My parents were foster parents when I was a teenager and we got a baby girl at 6 months who lived with us for over 2 years.  It broke all of our hearts when she went back to her birth parents and I'm not sure I could handle that as a potential mom.  However, my SIL is a SW and she tells me that they typically have a good gauge of which kids will likely be put up for adoption and try to place them with families who want to adopt from the very start.  My parents weren't specifically trying to adopt, but after 2 years she felt like "ours" so it was pretty traumatic.

 

I have pretty much decided to adopt throught the waiting child program from China.  These kids have moderate to severe special needs, but you are able to give input on what you can "handle" so I certainly would not have to take a child with a condition that seems more than I could manage on my own.  Something like a cleft palate or large birth marks is something that would cause a child to be on this list...I can handle that! 

 

The cost internationally is high, probably will be around $25,000.  But, my SIL just reminded me that it cost $17,000 for them to adopt my youngest nephew so either way it is not cheap.  Thank goodness for the federal tax credit!  Finances is one thing I am still trying to figure out before I start applying, etc.  I am going to talk to some family members who MIGHT want to help, and then check into some options for low interest rate loans.  It's a bit of an unknown right now for me, unfortunately.

 

The talk is that Vietnam and Cambodia will be opening up for adoptions again this year, so it is possible that single women might be able to adopt from there as well.  However, I'm not sure that I want to wait another 6 months or longer before getting started (and then possibly find out that they are not an option for me), so I have almost ruled that option out at this point.

 

I guess this concludes my first post...cue the clapping and celebration!  Hopefully it's just the first of many.  In a way, I feel like I've just started the adoption process, because you're not really on the journey until you're writing humorous and heart-felt blog posts about it, right?  OK, then!  "Aaannnddd...she's off!"